Thursday, July 27, 2006

Burbled H. Teeniest 1964 – 2006

The smallest man on earth until his timely death, Burbled H. Teeniest measured a mere 9 inches tall. His unusual first name came from having a mother with a terrible speech impediment. When entering his name into the Births Register, the registrar had such difficult understanding her he gave up and made something up. And as she was burbling that’s exactly what came to mind. And it stuck, if for no other reason than his mother could say it.
Burbled’s first love was comedy. Nothing gave him more pleasure than to amuse his family with songs he’d written with hilarious lyrics. Just as he was about to embark on a career doing this Richard Digance came along and Burbled realised he could never match the perfection of ‘The Digit’ as he was known in comedy circles (we think that was his nickname, records show that sign being made an awful lot when Digance was in the building). It was however after seeing Ronnie Corbett live that Burbled realised there was no place for short arses with silly names on the comedy circuit.
This marked the turning point in his life. He started to drift, unsure of what to do next. He tried the usual avenues for persons of his stature. Initially he got the gigs as a Willie Mays wobbly-head baseball toy until an over eager kid threw him a curve ball and almost took his wobbly head off. A gnome-adic existence followed, selling his body as a garden ornament in DIY stores. He should have known the end was near when he graduated to the red hat and sure enough so it proved. Safely ensconced at his new abode, fishing rod in hand and gazing over the pond, he was more than a little surprised to when a dim-witted koi went for the non-existent bait on his rod, dragging him into and across the pond until he hit an ornamental fountain head first which knocked him unconscious. In a nice piece of symmetry his last words were also burbled as he went under.

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