Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Sled I. Secretively 1933 – 2006

High up in the Snowy Mountains of Australia is where the Secretively family have lived for generations. It’s an ideal place for bringing up children away from the stresses of everyday life. The community is self sufficient to the point of all the children being given training in various areas beneficial to the community. And thus Stephen, as his parents knew him, became Sled due to his excellent skills in the bob sleigh.
Due to the snow and ice it had become apparent that the clan would need a safe and speedy descent down the mountain. Thus plans were made to build a run to the bottom of the mountain and as their name suggests things had to be done surreptitiously. This was due to their long running feud with the Brazen clan who lived atop the next mountain. The Brazen bunch strutted around like they owned the place, which incidentally they did. And of course the Secretivelys who assumed, probably correctly, that any inventions they had would be claimed by the Brazens as their own, hated this. So the run was built at night, Sled himself overseeing everything. The crowning glory was the sled itself, a contraption made of old baking trays and wardrobe rails, with a go faster stripe from an old Ford Capri on the side for good measure. The runners were greased with a new solution. Although Sled took the formula to his grave, it is believed to be made up of vanilla ice cream, motor oil and fake sun tan lotion. The new run was a major advantage to the Secretively clan, as it meant they could get to the shop in the valley quicker and get all the supplies in first. It was especially pleasing for model train enthusiast Hornby OO Secretively who was guaranteed the only copy of Model Train Enthusiast.
Such a major contribution to the Secretively history meant a blue plaque was placed at the top of the run by family elders. This was later followed by one commemorating his life when the formula was mixed in the wrong combination one day and Sled went far too fast, shot off the end of the run and missed an oncoming train by inches. As he came to rest on the main road he was run over by a HGV.

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